I've seen a lot of questions and even "tutorials" on getting noticed on this website. Well, if your art and gleeming personality aren't enough to earn you attention, then logic says you should improve your skills so you can gain the page views you crave. But, then again, if you're here just for getting attention, then you're creating art for the wrong reason. That's what MySpace and LiveJournal were created for.

But, since DeviantArt has become one giant "look at me!" fest, I've decided to compile the accurate "How To Get Yourself Noticed on DeviantArt" tutorial, based on observations around the site rather than what I want people to do. So here goes.

- HOW - TO - GET - NOTICED - ON - DA -
AKA: Using art for attention whoring

1) Make Full Use of the Most Current 'Hot' Celebrity or Character
-Johnny Depp. Orlando Bloom. Legolas. Wolverine. Jack Sparrow. Willy Wonka. Bozo the Clown. Who ever it is, make the most use out of them, wring them for every drop of attention their worth. It doesn't matter if you can't accurately portray the person, as long as you have that name attatched.

2) Anatomy Doesn't Matter
-Taking the time to learn correct anatomy detracts from the time you could be bossing your DA page count. So create your own version of the human body with complete disreguard for the basics. Leave off important body parts, let the head be any size you want. Eyes don't need to line up, or even be in the right place on the head. Remember, the more you deviate from basic anatomy, the better.

3) Elitism is Key
-Being nice and inviting, putting yourself on the same level on everyone else, it's all over rated. To be sure you don't get tred on, stick your nose in the air and be sure to flaunt yourself as much as possible. Make it known that you went to an elite school, or that you know published artists. This means you're better than everyone and everyone will see they need to worship the ground you walk on.

4) Your Life is Miserable. Show it.
-Happy is out, emo is in. Be sure to play up the angst. Crying blood, slit wrists, running mascara, dramatic looks. Play it up with a lot of black and red, and don't forget the lyrics. Linkin Park and Yellow Card are good choices. If you don't want to go the gorey or depressing route, there's always insanity. Insanity is even cooler than being emo, especially with straight jackets and running mascara. Remember: hating your parents is emo, defying your parents is insanity.

5) Wings, Feathers, Bubbles, Hearts
-Pretty and fluffy. Not necessarily happy, but shiney and nice. Put wings on everything. Floating feathers are dramatic, bubbles are stunning, and falling petals are nostalgic. We learn this all in anime, which everyone knows is cool.

6) Anime Wins the Internet
-Anime. Everyone knows it. Everyone loves it. So that must be the route to go. Anime is the ultimate cover up for not being able to draw. Not only is it easy to draw, but it will make you more appealing to everyone around you.

7) Fan Art: Banking Off Pre-Established Success
-And now we come full circle. When in doubt, bastardize someone else's character. Whether in anime, movies or TV shows, as long as it's a well liked character, you're guarenteed success. See number 1 for why this works.

Stay tuned for next week's episode: How To Brown Nose Through Comments!